What Did Nine Eat?

The weekend. Chained to the desk at an unfulfilling job. A Sunday. Buddha is staring back at me. Rubbing his belly will not get me out of this. Radiohead only helps the time go by just a little bit faster. I can read The Times, but who wants to read about the Super Bowl, world news, Maureen Dowd’s opinion? Not this disgruntled employee. Primary politics—is there any good reason?

Corporate powers that be: have you any idea how low employee morale is? Or, at least this employee’s morale. I’m outta here soon, baby. Held down for the time being by bi-monthly pay structures, two-week notices and psychotropic drugs that I apparently just gotta have. No, I’m not here because I love this job, not complacent because it might be said I’m good at this. I’m here a bit longer so you’ll match my contributions to my 401k, here because the past 12 months of pissing on my soul has left me empty and uninspired. Because the longer I’m here, the harder it is to remember the taste of freedom and the sweet ease of liberation.

At least I haven’t lost my flair for the dramatic.

I am tired of being on the front line of this battle the powers be seem to be intent on losing. I’m not going to point any fingers—except to remark on the general air of incompetence. I hate incompetence. What you ask, what I need to do daily is lie for you, except I’m not supposed to do that. Not lie, blatantly anyway. I need to be creative, to deceive. To present the outright and ugly truth and then spin it positively. Maybe if there was something I believed in here. Alas, no.

So, I’m gonna leave it all behind. Just wait and see. Things are in motion, plans are being made. I’ll make true on this…

I’m gonna escape. Cut through the fence, make for the Pyrenees like Coburn, hop a ship like Bronson. No more cooler for me, suckers! And if I get caught—gun me down like Attenbourough. And I’ll see you all at Piccadilly.

Escape

Sushi

I don't believe in making resolutions for the coming year. This is largely because I like to set myself up for success and not failure.

That being said, if I were to make a resolution it would be to eat more Sushi this year than any year before. A somewhat easy proposition as I am relatively new to the Sushi scene.

To further that end I am founding The Bellingham Sushi Institute; membership: me. Mission objectives for this hallowed institution are as follows...

1. Eat as much Sushi as possible.
2. Spread my Sushi spendings to as many vendors in the area as possible.
3. Objectively judge the product of these vendors.
4. Provide intelligent Sushi information for the surrounding area and become a definitive source of local Sushi culture, with the end result of Sushi chefs in the area fearing the institute (me) and feeling compelled to provide Sushi offerings.

When I refer to objective judging, I am referring to actual objective judging. This is not along the lines of my claim that McDonalds is better than any Thai restaruant in town. While I take the preceding statement as gospel, it is subjective in light of my deadly peanut allergy. Sorry for that President Carter, but I assure you I still love physics.

So. Let the judging begin.

JudgeDredd

"I am the law! Put down your chopsticks and prepare to be judged"

January 2, 2007: Lunch at Wasabee

Wasabee had been hyped to me by many who I regard as discerning Sushi consumers. I was looking forward to this meal, and so when a friend offered to buy me lunch there I put the car in drive and hit the gas.

Let me say at the beginning that my home Sushi grounds are at Moshi Moshi Sushi which, perhaps because my Sushi cherry was popped there, is the origin of my Sushi quality standards. The quality and taste are superb. Most importantly, I have never encountered a menu that even compares. The menu, in and of itself, makes Moshi Moshi one of the best Sushi bars in the area.

The menu at Wasabee is good. It has a good variety, some quality Sushi rolls, and the lunch special provides a good quantity of Sushi for a very reasonable price. My order included a bowl of Miso soup along with two Uramaki rolls: Ebi (shrimp) tempura and Unagi (eel) with avocado. My Sushi selections this time all contained, uncharacterisically, cooked fish.

Presentation of the meal was good, with the Sushi placed on a simple round plate. Wasabi and ginger were offered on a separate dish.

The rice was good, if not a little dry.

The Ebi roll was the tastiest, the Ebi was cooked well and had a good texture. However, the tempura was hardly cooked at all, that satisfying tempura crunch was sadly missing. I missed it in particular because without it I was left with Ebi, Nori, rice and a warm tempura batter. I would give it a 5 on a scale of 10.

(BSI grading scale: 1=crap, 5=okay, 10=excellent)

Unagi is one of my favorites, so I was excited to try it at Wasabee. I have only two things to say about this roll: First, the Unagi was mushy and lacking in texture as well as taste. Second, I found a bone in this roll. It gets a 4.2 out of 10.

Final Analysis: Wasabee was okay. It had reasonable prices. It didn't live up to the hype. I'll give it one more chance someday, as I'm a forgiving sort of guy and would like to sample some of their fresh fish rolls.

Note: Wasabee has no Sushi bar.

Xidfox

A UFO was seen hovering above Chicago's O'Hare Airport in November. Is the end near?

Apparently some have their suspicions.

"One United employee appeared emotionally shaken by the sighting and "experienced some religious issues" over it, one co-worker said."

The cover-up has already begun.

"The FAA is not conducting a further investigation, Cory said. The theory is the sighting was caused by a "weather phenomenon," [FAA spokeswoman Elizabeth Isham Cory] said."

Come on! I'd believe a weather balloon before I'd believe that crap. I offer my creative writing skills to the FAA here and now to remedy this plague of bad excuses. I can write good excuses, legit excuses - I went to school for 5 years to be able to do this.

For example: The recent UFO sightings at O'Hare were the results of mass election day hysteria.

- or -

A fuel spill at O'Hare Airport released a cloud of noxious gas that triggered hallucinatory phenomena.

- or -

A group of employees at Chicago's O'Hare airport were fired after they were discovered to be under the influence of psychedelic drugs and had spread rumors of a pending alien invasion.

To me it's a fascinating tidbit that the spotting occurred on Nov. 7 - election day to those 50-60%(?) who don't exercise that most fundamental right. Coincidence? I think not.

This leads to several possible scenarios:

1. Aliens came to monitor US elections, saw that the Democrats were emerging victorious and left because the world is now safe.
2. Aliens came to depose the then-Republican government, saw that the Democrats were emerging victorious and left because there is still hope for our nation.
3. Aliens came to monitor US elections, saw the overall pathetic state of our republic and fled.
4. Aliens had actually traveled to the wrong planet.
5. Aliens came to vote, but were deterred by long lines at voting stations.
6. Aliens had come at the bidding of Oprah, but were turned away because they were to late to raze the TomKat wedding. Damn!
7. We are all screwed.

Notice all of the scenarios include aliens.

These witnesses seem credible, or at least are reported to be in the media. Is the prospect of a UFO so far-fetched? I remember watching the Phoenix Lights live on CNN.

 I want to believe.

PhoenixLights-02

Phoenix.lights

Have you ever had a funny dream and laughed yourself awake? I did last night and fortunately I had the presence of mind to get up and write it down. For all of you Seinfeld fans, it's akin to Jerry's "flaming balls of Sigmund."

...

I'm sitting in a cafe when I start sneezing, "Ha-keem!"

My buddy Jon is sitting at a table nearby. "Olajuwon," he says.

"What?" I say.

Jon: "Dude, Hakeem Olajuwon!"

Once again the Bellingham Herald, which some of you may know as the Shittiest Newspaper in the World, has stunned us all with its editorial prowess.

Herald

A textbook day here in 98225. Perfect November weather, absolutely perfect. Wind, rain, cold -- we  have it all. Booyah!